Stalled...

Yesterday was Weigh-In Wednesday. 69.6kg (a 400g gain). Happy to say that this morning 300g of that has gone. But my weight loss has stalled somewhat. The post fun-run thing has kicked in. It's almost as if I'm too scared to run. My hip hurts and although recovering, my groin hurts. My holiday starts in just over a week. I don't know why, but I'm just not freaking doing it.

But I'm eating OK (not following the plan 100% but not going over). At least this thing has taught me how much I can eat and I'm making better food choices. I've lost 10kg and that is a huge achievement. I like how I look in the mirror a lot more now.

I've read some stuff on the interweb lately where women are trying to deal with body image - more specifically, the fact they are overweight. This is such a huge issue. And some of it has bagged out Michelle Bridges and the 12WBT program. Apparently we are all  being sucked in by media and this chick who uses plastic surgery to achieve her look. If you believe what you read.

There is a large campaign to not view your self-worth through the lens of media-constructed ideas of beauty. That we need to accept every body is beautiful.

I have mulled this over.

Yes, I agree, your size or your weight should not be connected to your worth as a person. Losing weight is not magically going to make you happy. If you are overweight, it does not automatically mean you are lazy, ugly and stupid. There is a hell of a lot more to life than a number on the scales.

But... Ultimately, being overweight is not good for your health. It means you are consuming too many calories, whatever way you cut it. It means you are at risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease. It means you have fat sitting on your internal organs. It means you are not really looking after yourself.

So when I look at photos of me looking like this:

I know I've lost 10kg and can "run" 10km. But - I need to lose another 10kg. I still have rolls of fat around my middle and therefore in my insides. Those legs are working too hard lugging all that extra weight around.

So. I'm going to get off this keyboard and onto my rowing machine. I might be too scared to run and further aggravate my hip, but I can do something cardio related! This journey isn't over just because I reached a couple of big milestones! This is the hardest thing about this journey - it just never "ends", does it? I know I'm not the only one out there dealing with this - the forums are full of people like me who "fell off the bandwagon" or "lost motivation". 

But we just have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, don't we? Because I do not accept this body yet - I love it for what it has achieved, but I also love myself enough to keep going.

How do you feel about your body?