I'm so ashamed...

Today I was rifling through my large assemblage of running magazines, Million Kilo Challenge recipes, physio exercises etc and came across my old Fit For the Job Challenge folder (mmm, now defunct - no link available). I did this a few years ago now when I was working at the local high school. A bunch of us teachers got together for a 12 week challenge to lose weight, reduce stress etc (sounding familiar?). We got a 12 week exercise program and DVD, healthy eating plan and weigh-in's at the local gym. I do remember that I managed to get down to 66kg and feeling very proud of myself.

But at the start, I remember feeling like I did yesterday - it's time to make a change before this weight gain gets out of hand, my clothes are fitting anymore etc etc.

I found the slip of paper for my first weigh-in.

Weight: 69.8kgs (153.6 lbs). OMG. That's 10kg lighter than my current starting point.

I'm so ashamed that I thought that I was heavy and I've let myself (after bootcamping, and two lots of C25K and a 9km fun run and multiple "programs") get to 79.8kg. No wonder my size 14 clothes are tight. It's not that the sizing is getting smaller. It really is because I've stacked on the kilos. I'm going to my 25 year school reunion in a couple of weeks the heaviest I've ever been. Hello! Reality check! 

So I went out for my run/walk this morning feeling very large, very ashamed of myself. I felt like saying "I can do this running thing, you know, I'm just starting again and these clothes used to fit me 12 months ago". 

And that's the thing, isn't it? You just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start bloody again. And keep going. And going. It's not easy (well, I obviously don't find it easy).

On the bright side? There were a lot of overweight people out there this morning, walking the walk, putting one foot in front of the other. They were beetroot faced and sweaty too. They looked admiringly (or was that sympathetically?) at me running. I did get out of bed this morning and do it, unlike last week. I keep putting one foot in front of the other.